The COVID-19 crisis resurfaced feelings and anxieties I thought I had tamed. The situation is far from normal and information bombards us from every direction. What to believe? I stay focused on the truth and have also noticed how I can choose my own truth now; the truth I like best, or the one that validates my behavior or the truth that makes me feel good about myself. Sometimes, all it takes is changing the channel to adjust my truth.
My goal has always been to be well informed and not to believe everything I read on Facebook and the texts coming from several Whats-app chat groups. I read newspapers and follow writers who I believe are reliable because of their body of work, trajectory and experience. I listen to the advice of scientists responsible to guide us through this crisis. There have been several occasions when I’ve have to tell my friends and family that a particular post has no basis on truth and that the person on the video is not the person he/she wants you to think he/she is.
Several people posing as doctors or biologists on YouTube don’t even introduce themselves, but they wear the right attire and people assume they are for real. Several others post religious messages of secret conspiracy theories involving the Pope and the Catholic Church. There have been a few who impersonate clergy or introduce themselves as priests or deacons from several denominations. Everything is so confusing! Trying to keep up with what is true and what is not is exhausting. Some of my friends swear the virus is not even real! Some swear it is scheme of the most powerful while others share YouTube videos of “biologists” suggesting that wearing a mask or practicing social distancing is not necessary or that they’ve been warned against telling us the real truth.
Discerning so many theories, conspiracies, opinions, coming from different directions to warn my friends and family sent me straight to the cardiologist. Stress affected my blood pressure and spiraled my hormones in a frenzy. “Stop trying to be God,” my wise mother told me adding that I should leave it up to God and let people live their own lives. “But they need to know that some of the things they are reading are not true and they can get sick and possibly die!” I replied adding that it was important for them to pay attention to the facts, but I know my mother is right. I am not God. She then added that some think I’m going crazy! Now that is funny and possibly true.
I gave up warning friends and family and it has not been easy. In fact, it has been one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do in a very long time. I’ve refocused my attention on painting and writing a few stories I had pending. I clean and cook and listen to beautiful music. I still feel my blood rush when I see certain YouTube videos and Facebook posts. It is similar to watching somebody walk towards a cliff without uttering a warning. Just watching and waiting.
Live and let die that is what I am doing and I may even die in the process. Nothing is certain with this new virus. It is going to take a while until we know what it is all about. I am a person of faith and truly believe in the power of prayer, so I am going to pray every day for everybody; for the entire world and the human race. I’m donating money to food banks and other worthy causes hoping to make the difference my advice cannot.
It really boggles me to live in a time of surreal truths and where we get to decide what is true to us and not necessarily a universal truth. We’ve crossed many lines and we are fine with deceit. I doubt my truths now but I don’t want to go down that path for I’ll go crazy for real. I’m just going to try to live and let die and pray that nobody does.
The featured image of me standing at the Santa Elena Canyon and the Rio Grande River was taken at Big Bend National Park by my husband Lupe on August of 2018.
Cactus in the Mirror 